


And Everything Comes Crashing Down

by CharmStone127



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10036046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharmStone127/pseuds/CharmStone127
Summary: After Bahrain, Melinda thought she knew what pain was and did everything to protect herself from feeling that way again. But  when Fury calls her to his office after the Battle of New York, she finds out that pain isn't something you can control.





	

She thought she was done hurting.

She thought she knew what it was to hurt. Not physically hurt, though she knew well what that was like too, but emotional hurt. The kind of hurt that makes you wish everything would just _stop_. And perhaps there _was_ a physical element to it, too, because emotions that strong couldn’t be contained. They clawed at you, made you feel sick, and they ripped violent sobs from you before strangling you until it was all you could do just to keep breathing.

She had felt that after Bahrain. Her knee had hurt, made it difficult to walk, but that pain paled in comparison to the emotional anguish. It was amazing how one moment had turned her world upside down, and as everything had come crashing down around her, she had built up her walls, determined to protect herself from the aftershocks.

She coped in the only way she felt she could; by walking away from everyone and everything. She had left her husband, and she had closed herself off from the people closest to her, including her best friend. They were all painful reminders of the life she had lost, of the person she had been, and would never be again. It was easier to shut them out.

Somehow, she had managed to survive. She wasn’t _living,_ per se, but she was still breathing. After a few rough months where she had sought comfort at the bottom of whiskey bottles, she had pulled herself together as best she could. Though she remained safely within the walls she had built around herself, far removed from anyone that could hurt her again, and was perhaps little more than a statue to onlookers, she was still alive. The pain was manageable. She could never forget, and there wasn’t a day went by that she didn’t remember, but the hurt was no longer crippling. Somewhere along the way, she had grown numb.

Of course, even the best laid plans will go awry. No matter how much she kept people away from her, she could never quite stop herself from caring. Now, as she sat in the Director’s office, she wished she could.

The second the words had left Fury’s mouth, she had felt everything come crashing down for the second time in her life. Once again her entire world was turned upside down, and for a long moment it felt as if her heart had finally stopped beating, only to restart with a painful thud. Her breath caught in her throat, and her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts; shock, sadness, denial and, most of all, memories. Everything came flooding back to her, and she found herself shaking her head to push them away, closing her eyes for a moment as she fought to regain control of herself.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m afraid so.” There was a gentleness to the Director’s voice which was seldom heard. “I’m sorry, May.”

She had no more words. What good could words do now, anyway? Instead she simply nodded stiffly, her jaw tight.

She was allowed to leave work after that. She had been tempted to stay, thinking the distraction would help, but the news had gradually been broken to the rest of SHIELD and the whispers were as loud as shouts to her. She had to get out of there.

She could feel her chest tightening as she drove back to her apartment, the emotions threatening to overtake her for the first time since Bahrain. Somehow she held herself together for the journey, and kept her composure even as she made her way up the stairs.

It wasn’t until the door was closed behind her that she finally cracked. The monster that had been strangling her let go, and her hand flew to her mouth as the sobs spilled out. She leaned back against the door, sliding down until she hit the floor as she finally succumbed to her emotions in a way she thought she never would again. Only this time, the person who had held her as tears wracked her body wasn’t there. And he would never be there again. Because Phil Coulson was dead, and she felt as if part of her had died with him.


End file.
